<P><B><JC>The Savior
<P>The end, what came after and Altair
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<P>Which caused EVERYTHING to stop. Including LP himself. but the atoms were still vibrating thus the coconut monkey became very angry and hit something. This caused a huge chain reaction. Since all the atoms in the world were vibrating in such small spaces, the sudden blast of energy instantly accelerated every atom to breakneck speed causing the entire world to spontaneously evaporate.
<P>3*10^64 million years later, it all came back together again. Surprisingly in nearly the same order it had been left in 3*10^64 million years earlier the only thing out of place was that the nose of one of the most prominent politicians in the mythical world. It appeared on the inside back of an envelope being sent to the other side of the world. This caused him to win the next election though for the next big thing. However far away in the pseudo-mythical land of Flibberdy-goop (R)(TM) it began raining sheep and mice.
<P>Dja vu, said everybody, and there was sudden panic. They've changed something, how're we gonna get out???!!! everybody cried.
<P>"Come to hell it's fun" said That Guy who was in That Place That Time (TM) But he was simply quoting someone off of a message board. Their real savior was off having tea with a march hatter and a mad hair. At that moment, well not that moment -the moment after it, but you know about that moment, the mad hatter and march hare came in with machine guns shouting something about stolen names. However the march hatter and mad hair were able to take them to court charging them with emotional damages and the theft of a pillowcase. 
<P>They were able to avoid copyright infringements by pointing out the discrepancies in their different names and won their case, receiving a lap dancing polar bear. Someone then sold an empty shoebox with some eggs in it to the two characters. They found this very interesting as it ignored more than half the laws of physics and so sold it again to a research lab which created a mirror opposite clone of the shoebox and merged them, so that the shoebox defied all the laws of physics. They then used this device to invade the pseudo-mythical land of Flibberdy-goop (R)(TM) which was still awaiting their savior, who had again gone missing after having tea with the march hatter and mad hair.
<P>He was later found in a tree having a conversation with a frowning cat. This confused everybody, especially as the cat faded frown first. "Something is wrong" they said, "but what is it?" After extensive scientific study it was discovered that at that moment, 93 miles to the left, some guy - whom the British called a git, the Americans called and ass, and the French called God- had added an extra syllable into Jacob. While this study took place the invasion of the land continued as the people had forgotten to call on the savior which they had just so recently found.
<P>The invasion went to plan perfectly and everybody was killed. Even the invading soldiers. The commanders must have been MAD.  Now that everyone was dead the true story continued in the afterlife. The savior was sitting on Eris' left shoulder (which was starting to piss her off as he had been doing that for pi days) still waiting to be called on.
<P>He was never going to be called on now, as everybody was dead. There was nobody to save, so he just sat there, and sat there, and sat there, and sat there, until Eris heaved him off to go get a drink from the frige.
<P>Meanwhile back in the afterlife where everyone was telling Chris the Cynic to shut the FUCK up about Hell and the Afterlife and get some decent and original subject material for once. Back on Earth were everything was REALLY happening it was remembered that EVERYONE WAS DEAD, thus making the everything that was really happening a bit less like everything and more like nothing. Also, the non-existent living people of the world instituted a death penalty for people for people who misspelled the word where as were. This was because people remembered that along with the people named bob misspellings had been killing them back on page 6.
<P>This caused a mass slaughter of all who were dead, as it's very difficult to tell the two apart in speech, and everyone was a bit annoyed that they were dead.  Until they remembered that they had been dead before the slaughter, at which point they were only half as pissed. Putting their deaths and subsequent slaughter behind them they started to explore the after life, they found that being dead was more of a hindrance than previously imagined. Being spirits their hands kept passing through everything, and to their annoyance, technology had not been advanced far enough in the underworld to make spirits of useful utensils commonly used by living people. This caused a riot.
<P>Despite being dead they discovered that they could feel pain, which wasn't fun. However most of the recently dead police soon joined in as they realized that they weren't going to get paid, and the riot couldn't inflict any bodily harm on the dead folk that they all were.  A popular theft was that of the death gems, which kept people dead. After they were all stolen, everyone came back to Earth. So there was a theft of cheap plot devices.
<P>* * *
<P>That over things go back to normal, which was quite an abnormal thing, for one thing 
<P>Especially with things not being normal, mainly as everyone was undead, and didn't need to eat. Many restaurants went out of business, causing thousands of undead elves to lose their jobs. Soon, the entire world was in a dark status, like the Stone Age with undead elves. Then, one elf named Altair created a magic staff, which allowed undead people to come back to life. Unfortunately as he was trying it out on himself for the first time he accidentally fell of the cliff he was standing beside. He wasn't used to the wind. So immediately died. His staff was lost underwater for all time. (And I mean all time, so no going under water to get it, ok?)
<P>However, even though it was known that it was impossible to find the staff, many tried to do so, and thus were forever trapped by the cold tendrils of the accursed sea. Many even tried to reproduce the Staff of Altair, but were all inevitably consumed by its extreme power. Soon, an open war began between those who wished to achieve life again, and those who believed such ideas to be pure foolishness.
<P>The people who believed such ideas were pure foolishness won.
<P>And for hundreds of years, the Children of Life, as they had been called, were repressed brutally. Soon, their numbers waned, as one by one attempted the impossible by trying to recreate the Staff of Altair. However, when their numbers were hardly above 100, their leader decided to put an ad in the local undead newspaper. This resulted an millions of people who had harbored the thought in their minds but had never voiced it for fear of retribution learning that there was an organized group dedicated to this cause.
<P>Emboldened by their swelling ranks, the Children of Life began another war against their kin. This time, the result was greatly in favor of the Children of Life, and they came into power. However, while many of them toiled away attempting to recreate the Staff of Altair, their leaders began a fresh conflict for total leadership among the Children, which resulted in a massive war to end all wars. Billions would have been killed, if they had not already been dead. After 50 years and nothing had been solved they decided to stop and sit down to have a debate about what should be done.
<P>During the debate, a miracle happened- an elf who looked exactly like Altair appeared before the rival sides, carrying what seemed to be his staff. "My brothers," the elf said, "Is this what we have become? I would have cast that staff into fire if I had known that this is what would become of my visions." The rest of the elves stood there, stunned, until one of them spoke
<P>"Who's this old guy?"
<P>"Get him out of here" said another.
<P>"But elves" Said Altair, "don't you know who I am? What I have done?"
<P>"Nah, get out!" They all said. And they threw him off a cliff.
<P>But even as they laughed triumphantly after throwing him off the cliff, their expressions changed quickly to horror. The elf who they had thrown off the cliff was not Altair, and that Altair was standing right next to them. "The ability to possess the bodies of others," said Altair with a smile, "Is an advantage of being a Lich. Let us face it... we shall never achieve true life, my brothers. Let us then achieve the opposite- true death, and with it, true immortality."
<P>Nobody liked that idea.
<P>And so, Altair laughed at their naive foolishness. Channeling the greatest of his powers, he turned them all into Liches, and vanished, never to be seen again. The last words ever heard from him were "I was worrying that you were not worthy of Lichdom. Now, I see it is exactly the punishment that you fools need."
<P>This pleased everybody. The land of the Liches was a very nice place to be. Lovely sparkling blue ponds. Green grass. And best of all, no sandflies. Everybody was happy and nobody minded being dead anymore at all. Because being dead is not a handicap to a Lich. And so, for thousands of years, the Lich Elves lived peacefully and happily, using their powers only to recreate the idyllic realm they had lived in before their transformation to undead. Until, one day, a plot twist happened.