<P><B><JC>LP
<P>Plagues, papers, gods (er god) and singing.
<P>
<P>LP turned up and began singing.
<P>He sung a song of heroism and leadership, sorrow and power. The Lich Elves, impressed with LP's wisdom, crowned him Lich Lord. He turned out to be a just and wise ruler, renowned for his lack of singing abilities. But the land of the Liches was so good nobody noticed one small blemish on the world.
<P>However, one Lich Elf, growing tired of LP's lack of singing abilities, tried to assassinate him. While the attempt was easily foiled, it made LP fear that there were others who wanted him dead. So he traveled thousands of miles in evil mountains and cursed swamps to take voice lessons.
<P>Which failed.
<P>So he killed himself, and the Lich Elves democratically elected a new king. And their decision was to use their magic to resurrect LP and make him king again. LP didn't want this, so he left to live in a cave at the top of a tall mountain where he lived on two grains of rice a day, drinking only yaks milk and meditating. This he did for 3 years at which point he became enlightened in the true ways of not being able to sing. Thus enlightened he returned to his people, who greeted him with
<P>A pie to the face. However in the land if the Liches this was their warmest greeting. The assasinators had long since departed and everybody was happy with LP, they're newly re-instated leader ruling peaceably but with an iron will for the next 3 or 4 days.
<P>However, it soon became clear that LP was slowly losing his sanity... dying as a Lich is not a good thing, even if you are resurrected. He started to rule the land in a totalitarian way, and soon, the idyllic happiness of the land faded. Finally, a group of dissidents (I love that word) decided that the only way to achieve true happiness was to create a computer system that would make choices automatically for the good of all Liches, great and small.
<P>Unfortunately they had a number of problems, not the least of being that 1) computers hadn't been invented by Liches yet. And 2) LP had a habit of putting people in prison for doing things he felt were a threat to his power.
<P>It was about this time that god, which is not the god but a god, tripped on a cloud and fell to earth from the stratosphere. LP broke his fall and thus died, LPs supporters killed the god with rocks, the gods last word was, Damn as he realized that Liches could kill gods. He spent the rest of eternity smacking LP in a mostly empty afterlife. Meanwhile something completely ordinary happened. A Lich, unaware of the god killing commotion a few blocks away made a piece of toast and put honey on it. Then he settled down in his armchair and read the local Lich times.
<P>There was really nothing there, it was more like the National Inquirer than anything, there were stories of Nessy and her kid (they were doing better now that she ate her abusive boyfriend) and rumors of a return of the great plagues, they said that the Bobs would return again, as would the M&Ms and the swarms of little puppies, and cheerleaders, and other bad things. Problem was that it was all true.
<P>Over the time that the Elves had emigrated to the land of the Liches, News Paper journalists had become the pre-eminent force in exposing myths, legends and fables as all being absolutely true. This had put them on par with sludge with the Liches because they enjoyed telling little children about big bad wolves, without having to worry that is really would come and eat them all up.
<P>Interestingly it is only after a new paper broke a story about a previously disbelieved in monster or beast that those beats and monsters began attacking people. Soon there was another legend saying that it was the news paper reporters who were doing it, and blaming it on monsters to get good news stories. This was equally as true as the stories themselves.
<P>In fact the monsters were like that cat in box thing, though they didn't exist until the paper ran the story (like the cat isn't dead/alive till you open the box) but when the paper did run the monsters had existed for years (just like the cat might have been dead 20 minutes before you opened the box even though it wasn't dead till you opened it.)
<P>As result they (whoever they were) made war on the paper. The paper fought back by writing more stories about horrible diseases, massacres, homicides, fatal accidents, plane crashes, wars, famines, plagues of locusts, lightening strikes, demons, nuclear missiles, tidal waves, earthquakes, suicides, terrorist activity, volcanoes and people choking on those little things on the end of your shoe laces, you know what they are, what are they called, those things, yeah, them, what are they called anyway?
<P>Aglets.
<P>The aglets had to take up the job of the locusts, because the ravenous swarms of flying grasshoppers were on strike. This meant that while the aglets were being plague like, the plane crashes had to take their place and choke people, which made it so the famines were forcing people out of the sky in flames. The lightning strikes starved people, horrible diseases electrocuted people from the sky, fatal accidents made people sick, homicides caused accidental deaths, suicides killed people other than the suicider, tidal waves killed themselves, wars caused massive death via flooding and water damage, volcanoes consisted of battles where people killed each other, terrorist activity involved lava, earthquakes bombed buildings, massacres shook the ground, nuclear missiles killed (relatively) small numbers of people in quantities that were still too large to call multiple murder, and demons caused nuclear explosions.
<P>Basically the locust strike mucked up everything.
<P>This caused the Newspapers reporters to go back to normal. Instead of creating things, they just began to complain about everything that was happening, while not attributing any of it to themselves. However in a space of a few days, half of the entire population of the whole land of the Liches had been completely wiped out. It was up to the remnants to put their world back together.
<P>Seeing as how the old world had ended a few times they thought, "Let us build a new world, a perfect society, where all are happy and respected and ..." That lasted for about five minutes.
<P>After that they reshaped the world into 
<P>
<P>So then they built a world in which all being kinds maliciousness, greed and badness was magnified a thousand times. This lasted several millennia, the perfect world, in purely practical terms.
<P>But then a guy, claiming to be Altair started giving lectures in the good old fashioned, "I'm on a street corner saying the world will end because of the sins of the many," kind of way. It was never proved whether he was Altair or not, but me (chris the cynic) managed to cash in on a 20 cent bet at 1 to infinite odds thus getting more money than existed. I had made the bet when he "vanished, never to be seen again." Turned out it wasn't him, but by the time they realized that I had long since skipped the planet leaving them all with a wrecked economy and wondering why they hadn't asked "Hey didn't you have a stick?" before.
<P>Society had once again fallen into ruin leaving them to start of again. *sigh*
<P>So this time they decided to make the world exactly as it was all those melenia ago, when it wasn't really that bad after all. EXCEPT... all elephants were to be pink. It wasn't certain what advantage this would give the elephants, or anybody else. But since nobody knew what to do to make the world a better place they decided to do this. It couldn't hurt.
<P>And so the world was made annew. Within thirty seconds, almost all the elephants had died from acute embarrassment. The few remaining elephants donned afro wigs and wore coconut necklaces in an attempt to blend in.
<P>But noone expected the elephants to rebel, due to this unfortunate predicament. The elephanta soon heard to their leader, Mac.
<P>Mac was really an elf who deformed in to a body of an elephant, when the 10898387828911.9948th reacreation of the world ended.
<P>The elephants soon formed an organization EWAAH(Elephants With Afros Against Humans).Under the leadership of Mac, they soon destroyed LP's 2010 game HQ, therefore accomplishing nothing.
<P>Their next operation was the takeover of the Newspaper, whose employees had gone strike, leaving the various catastrophes, floods, plaiges, nuclear bombs and global warming, broke and living on the street.
<P>The operation began on Happens day, at 015663:30.
<P>Upon learning that 2010's Headquarters had been destroyed, a fallen elf named Shstai'Loran, enraged at the loss, rode out on his Black Dragon to slay the elephants. Channeling the strongest forms of lightning magic and cutting down survivors with claw and blade, Shstai'Loran made short work of the elephants, and cast a Rewind spell to undo all the damage that had been done by the elephants. The Lich Elves, curious as to who this being of immense power was, sent a group of their finest messengers out to speak with him.
<P>Who all died. 
<P>Conveniently there was a man with a magic broom that brought people back to life. He did this and soon they were all back on their feet and laughing at the nasty predicament they had been in. But it only lasted for 3 hours. So soon they were all dead again.
