<P><B><JC>The Samurai
<P>Lich elves doing what Lich elves do.
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<P>Then, a new story started up. This time, it was set in Japan, and the hero was a samurai named Shainita. He was the worst samurai ever. If you have seen Kung Pow, he was worse than the guy who challenged the one to jump over the wall. The was so bad in fact, that he was sent on all the important quests because all the bad guys would just sit there and stare at how inept he was until he had finished and left.
<P>It was in one of these quests that the Lich elves reinserted them into the story as part of sub plot three and a half.
<P>While the samurai was questing to find the stolen diamond of KKhazackahkazahkzahkazahastaan he came across some of the elves.  They informed him that KKhazackahkazahkzahkazahastaan was part of the former Soviet block. They had those evil laughs as the moron went off setting their diabolical plan into action, it would not be long before the world would end.... nah, just kidding. It would not be long before the stolen diamond would mutate into a massive robot which would eat everybody except Lich elves and respond only to them.
<P>A figure emerged from the shadows of the world, stepped forward though the ultra cool smoke/fog/nice lighting and said, "Sounds like fun." He then disappeared never to be seen again, except perhaps in passages written by me.
<P>While the Lich elves carried out their plan for world domination the samurai continued his quest for the stolen diamond of KKhazackahkazahkzahkazahastaan. He went first to various Soviet countries to try to find it. because they were closest and required the least walking. 
<P>But he got lost and wound up in that station in Antarctica where The Thing takes place, yeah you know the one. The movie had ended many years before, so he was safe but cold. Everyone on earth, as well as people on some other planets, stopped what they were doing in a mass attempt to find out how he had walked to Antarctica.
<P>A universal wide survey paper was distributed to schools and work places everywhere. But since earth is only a tiny place on the scale of the universe and only 20 people had seen him out of all the billions and trillions and gazillions of people in the universe it was all a massive waste of paper and destroyed the entire tree population of 23 planets. Causing all the population of those planets to die from lack of oxygen.
<P>So the Lich Elves sent him on a quest to replant the trees. While he was there, he actually became a much better samurai, and once he was done, he came back and beat up all the Lich elves for trying to take over the world. The Lich elves immediately regretted sending him away to learn how to be a better samurai, even if it was a accident, but it was too late. The damage had been done and the Lich elves would never be the same. 
<P>For one thing they had to sell their dancing on the ceiling technique to some cult that was only concerned with peace, love, equality, freedom, and lots of sex. All but the last the found despicable. In return they got medical supplies, newly patched up they began again to try to take over the world. But then one day a small Lich elf discovered a book from thousands of years ago. It described how once upon a time the Liches were a peaceful, happy people.  He showed this to his parents who then showed it the grand high commander Lich.
<P>He set it on fire.
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<P>Still other Liches had seen it by then and were inspired by it's message. They began peaceful marches and sit ins to promote the cause. The high command would have none of it however. They responded by expressing their outrage that people were following the teachings of a book that didn't actually exist. So they remade the book, and while they did, they remade the Staff of Altair successfully... for no real reason really. Oh, but they did poke the samurai with it, causing him to fall off a cliff and die. 
<P>Luckily he didn't actually die. There was a branch 4 meters above the ground after a 200 meter drop with he used his now 1337 samurai skills to grab onto. Unluckily he did receive two broken legs because the tree branch bent and his legs hit the ground.
<P>The Lich Elves, to spite him for trying to kill them and all, botched his surgery on purpose. So, he became the world's first wheelchair-bound samurai. Everyone laughed at his misfortune, until one day he cut off all their heads with his super samurai spinning wheelchair wheel blade trick. 
<P>The Lich Elves realized this, and they had prepared spells to grow new heads. So the samurai desperately tried to flee, and never saw the Lich Elves again. Then, there was a great council to decide who the main plot would revolve around.
