<P><B><JC>A Troubled Mind
<P>I guess it all started You know what, I dont know when it started, and I dont care.  I dont want to tell you about it, so how bout you go to hell?-Ryan Phillips to psychiatrist
<P>
<P>Ryan was different, thats what the voices told him.  He was the only one that could hear them, they said so.  His favorite voice was named Alex, she had a deep melodic voice that she put him to sleep with.  Before she had started singing him lullabies he would stay up all night.  He used to sit up in bed, his back shoved into the poles of the headboard, his blood shot eyes darting around.  He pulled his stuffed alligator close to him to protect him from the bad things, but he wasnt sure she was enough.
<P>	So he had hidden with his alligator under his froggy blanket, and waited for sleep to come.  It hardly ever did, and his froggy blanket wasnt big enough to cover him anymore.  Every night he had stayed awake in fear.  Then she came.  He thought that Alex was a weird name for a girl to have, but it didnt matter.  Her voice was amazing. He could listen to it forever and not get bored, it took him away, it was like he sunk into the voice, and was surrounded by it, carried by it, to safety.  It made him warm and safe like his froggy blanket used to.
<P>	When Alex came Ryan could finally relax.  He knew that Elly, his alligator, would protect him, but he had been afraid that Elly would get hurt, or die.  With Alex there he didnt have to worry, Elly and he would be safe.  And it didnt matter that his bright yellow froggy blanket was too small to hide him, or that the big smiling froggy got lonely when he hid Ryan.  Everyone could be together and safe like they were before, Alex was there.  She would protect them.
<P>
<P>	Ryans mom noticed that he was sleeping better, and he was happy that she didnt ask why.  He had always run to her when the things in his room had scared him.  She had given him Elly for protection, and for a while Elly had kept the things away.  He hadnt told his mom that Elly wasnt working because he didnt want to hurt Ellys feelings, and he didnt want his mom to get mad at Elly.  Now that Alex was protecting him he didnt want his mom to feel like he didnt love her.  It had always been just him and her, now that there was Alex his mom might feel left out.  
<P>Ryan was happy that he didnt have to explain why he could sleep again.
<P>	One night Ryan was thirsty, like he almost always was, so he went to get a drink.  It was the first time he had gotten out of his bed at night since he had heard the words, Im Alex.  He did what he always did, he looked around as best he could, and hugged Elly to his side.  He pushed off his comforter, then slid his feet to the ground.  He tried not to make a noise.  He didnt want the things to hear.  He fished for his froggy blanket behind him.  He didnt want to look back; the wall was there.  Nothing could come through the wall to get him, but anything could get him from the front.  If he looked back he wouldnt be looking forward.  Hed be vulnerable.
<P>	Ryans fingers hit the familiar edge of his froggy blanket.  He wrapped it around his shoulders, like a cape, and began tiptoeing to the door.  Dont worry, Im here, Alex said.  Even when she spoke normally it was musical. He loved her voice more than anything, except her, and of course his mom.  He took a deep breath, it wasnt that he didnt believe her, because he did.  He did believe her, so much that he walked easily.  He paid attention to the feel of the wood floor beneath his feet, and the way his jeans protected his heals.
<P>	He believed Alex, but he had to work to keep his minds off the things.  Elly was in his right arm, her head rubbed against his face.  Her tail dragged on the floor, he wondered how she felt, now that Alex was protecting her from the things too. He had never seen one, and he didnt want to.  The kitchen was lit by the microwave clock.  Ryan forced himself to think about the blue light rather than all of the shadows. When he reached the fridge, struggling to walk easily, he set down Elly on the table, her left eye was pointed right at him.  He opened the door.
<P>	The light in the fridge blinded him, and something made a noise.  He spun, grabbed for Elly, and pushed back against the counter.  His eyes strained to see what had made the noise, but by the time his vision cleared there wasnt anything there. Nothing made a sound now.  Even the crickets had gone quiet.  It could be anywhere.  It could be behind him, on the counter, on the wall.  On the ceiling.  Anywhere.
<P>	Its ok.  Im right here, She was everywhere, he realized it now.  Just like her voice, she was all around him. Relax.  She laughed.  He laughed; it was mostly just to laugh.  His fear went away.  It seemed so silly to be afraid of something that was making noises in the darkness when he had Alex, the greatest noise in anywhere.  He sunk to the floor and grabbed Elly.  He dusted her off as he walked back to his room.  He laughed, Its ok, we dont have to be afraid anymore.  He felt so free.
