<P><B><JC>The Bastard Operator from Hell #1</JC>
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<P>It's backup day today so I'm pissed off. Being the BOFH, however, does have it's advantages. I reassign null to be the tape device - it's so much more economical on my time as I don't have to keep getting up to change tapes every 5 minutes. And it speeds up backups too, so it can't be all bad can it? Of course not.
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<P>A user rings
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<P>"Do you know why the system is slow?" they ask
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<P>"It's probably something to do with..." I look up today's excuse ".. clock speed"
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<P>"Oh" (Not knowing what I'm talking about, they're satisfied) "Do you know when it will be fixed?"
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<P>"Fixed? There's 275 users on your machine, and one of them is you. Don't be so selfish - logout now and give someone else a chance!"
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<P>"But my research results are due in tommorrow and all I need is one page of Laser Print.."
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<P>"SURE YOU DO. Well; You just keep telling yourself that buddy!" I hang up.
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<P>You'd really think people would learn not to call..
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<P>The phone rings. It'll be him again, I know. That annoys me. I put on a gruff voice
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<P>"HELLO, SALARIES!"
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<P>"Oh, I'm sorry, I've got the wrong number"
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<P>"YEAH? Well what's your name buddy? Do you know WASTED phone calls cost money? DO YOU? I've got a good mind to subtract your wasted time, my wasted time, and the cost of this call from your weekly wages! IN FACT I WILL! By the time I've finished with you, YOU'LL OWE US money! WHAT'S YOUR NAME - AND DON'T LIE, WE'VE GOT CALLER ID!!"