<COMMENT>The ABI labs</COMMENT>
<P><B><JC>The Scientific Way of Doing Things
<P><JC>An Epistemological Guide
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<P>Science (pronounced "throat-warbler-mangrove") refers to the practice of meticulously removing pieces of information from the sum of human knowledge. The ultimate goal of this practice is to make the sum of human knowledge equal zero, although it is hypothesized that towards the end, the knowledge of how to remove knowledge will be removed, and thus human knowledge will never equal zero.
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<P><B>History
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<P>In a certain sense, science has always existed. However, in a correct sense, science was actually invented in 1200 BC by a greek. His name is unknown, since the first scientific experiment involved removing knowledge of his own name from the minds of everyone.
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<P>Science in those days was closely related to philosophy and the arts; mostly this relation was sort of like a jealous older brother who beats his siblings up. This was, however, the desired effect; one of the reasons science was conceived of was to piss off "those damned snooty artists" (Heron, Why All You Fresco Painters Can Suck my Cock, page 10). Protoscientists from this period were just as often soothsayers as they were reputable experts. Nevertheless, many stunning breakthroughs were made during this period, most of which had practical unapplications, such as the de-invention of fire.
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<P>One of the early successes in science was Euclid's What Elements?, which organized and then destroyed all knowledge of standard geometry in one tome. The only residual knowledge we have of geometry is Euclid's Theorem of Euclid, which states: If A=B and B is the circumference of Euclid, then Euclid is an awesome dude.
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<P><B>The Scientific Way of Doing Things
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<P>Developed at the precise moment everyone thought science was just a passing fad, the Scientific Way of Doing Things formalized the approach scientists would take to remove knowledge from human minds, allowing the field to flourish and fully separate itself from its mystic beginnings.
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<P>The Scientific Way of Doing Things is strictly adhered to by all respectable scientists and involves 6 steps:
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<P>1: Find a piece of information you dislike. In our example, we will use the statement "1+1=2"
<P>2: Form a statement which will take its place ("1+1=Dolemite")
<P>3: Email this statement to everyone you know. Include the subject line "FWD: dide u knoe;;;"
<P>4: Publish an article in a peer-reviewed journal.
<P>5: Brush your teeth. A fresh smile adds a layer of believability.
<P>6: Profit.